April 22, 2019 at 08:52AM by CWC
Making a good first impression are kind of like making a baking a cake. Careful measurement of all the ingredients leads to a flawless confection. Not enough baking powder, however, and the whole thing collapses. The same goes for saying hello to someone for the first time. Psychology says that the type and amount of flattery peppered into an initial conversation with a stranger can make (or break) a relationship.
According to a phenomena known as spontaneous trait transference (STT), the way we characterize others will often be turned back on us, reports Psychology Today. If you’re making small talk with someone new and compliment a mutual friend’s sense of humor, for example, they’re more likely to consider you a regular Ellen Degeneres. To boot, later research also found that we come to associate that attribute with a more general conclusion about someone. You’re obviously witty and smart because you make jokes like Ellen Degeneres.
“Whatever you say about other people influences how people see you.”
STT is a double-edged sword though. While you can expertly use it to your advantage to convince people that you’re kind, reliable, and patient (because, duh, you are all those things), you can accidentally transfer bad traits onto yourself as well. Trash talk someone for their social-climbing tendencies, overuse of eyeliner, and general hypocrisy, and you might end up being seen as the Jenny Humphrey of the group.
“[W]hatever you say about other people influences how people see you,” writes Gretchen Rubin, author of New York Times best-seller The Happiness Project. So before word vomit gets you into a bad situation, try saying three nice things about someone to a new acquaintance. (I mean, you’re basically talking about yourself.)
Now that you’ve started a new relationship on the right note, here’s the verdict on ultimatums. And what to do if doubt creeps in.
Author Kells McPhillips | Well and Good
Selected by iversue
