April 18, 2019 at 11:08AM by CWC Scheduling sex is some truly divisive territory. At best, it reads as a power move for folks who identify as Mirandas. At worst, is sounds like some horrifying Type A behavior that signals a lack of luster in your relationship. But if we’re getting real for a second, what it may just be is a saving grace for the couple who keeps falling asleep after a never-ending work day. Now, have I ever scheduled sex personally? Weeeeell, my partner reads everything I write, as do my ever-so-supportive my parent. So I’ll just say no. But I’ve started pitching weekend getaways because our Google Cal is getting crowded with baby showers, weddings, and a platter of un-sexy family obligations. When errands and work and real life in general start to usurp so much time and energy that the minuscule amount remaining is only enough to lift the remote and flip on Queer Eye, it’s legitimately tough to remember to prioritize intimacy with your loved one. But does this personal status put me and my relationship on the fast track to the most monotonous reality ever? Apparently not, says one pro. Phew. “Scheduling sex is a way to show yourself and your partner that your sex life is valuable to you, and that you’re willing to make an active effort to create the time and space for intimacy.” —Vanessa Marin, sex therapist “I’m a huge fan of scheduled sex,” says Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and
Tag: Media
Even if fake smiling can boost my mood, I don’t ever want to be asked to do it
April 15, 2019 at 03:00PM by CWC Ever heard that sage advice to “smile through the pain?” It offers the ethos of other similar platitudes like “put your big girl pants on” or “get back on the horse,” but apparently, when it comes to—wait for it—grinning and bearing it, there’s some science to support the trite saying. A recent paper published in Psychological Bulletin suggests that smiling, even if you’re faking it, will gift you a marginal, momentary mood boost. The meta-analysis of 138 studies on more than 11,000 people worldwide about facial expression and whether it influences emotions supports the notion that smiling makes people a smidge happier, while scowling and frowning makes them angrier and sadder, respectively. But, when perusing online reactions to this new finding, I saw an abundance of “Smiling is the Way to Happiness” headlines—which crystallized just one thought in my mind: Please don’t make me smile. I hate being told to smile. Anyone who’s ever fielded a catcall on their way to work (AKA a woman who breathes air) probably also hates being told to smile. We should feel how we want to feel, and internalizing emotions to turn a frown upside down tends to manifest destructive external effects. Need proof? A recent and unrelated buzzy study suggests faking a perma-smile while working in the service industry lead to boozing hard later on. Studies and their conclusions about positive micro-effects aside, I want to know if there’s really ever a time when a fake
The one-month guide to building a support squad through wellness—the empowering act we should all be doing but aren’t
April 15, 2019 at 10:17AM by CWC Meet Wellness Collective, our new, immersive curriculum with Athleta that hooks you up with actionable advice from the smartest experts and brand founders in wellness right now. Get the goods at our monthly event series in New York City plus our online one-month wellness plans. Here, Elisa Shankle, co-founder of HealHaus, shares her four-week guide to building a community within wellness. How many times have you zoomed right out of yoga class the second vinyasa came to an end—instead of, you know, actually socializing with the people around you? First off, no judgement—we’ve all been there. But according to Elisa Shankle, co-founder of HealHaus, a Brooklyn-based community and wellness space, it’s time to take a step outside of your comfort zone. “Your tribe pushes you beyond your limits and helps you see your edge, and sometimes we definitely need that,” she says. “Community allows for vulnerability to take place and encourages a domino effect where we activate one another to seek a higher version of ourselves.” To help you get there, we asked Shankle for a month’s worth of actionable advice to help you build your own tribe (and banish awkward outsider feelings—because you’re so not alone). Scroll down for the step-by-step guide on how to meet new people and create your support squad within your wellness sphere. Before you can start putting yourself out there, you need to look internally to see what needs you want fulfilled in a friendship and what’s been
I’m an introvert in a new city—here’s how I’m making friends
April 15, 2019 at 04:00AM by CWC The last time I lived in a new place where I didn’t know anyone was college. Back then, it didn’t matter that I shied away from starting conversations with people I didn’t know. Everyone was in the same boat: new and friendless. Bonds were made easily, based on who else lived on your dorm floor, what your major was, or a new, shared love of cranberry vodkas. Making friends was never a problem, even for me, a generally introverted person. After college, I moved to New York City along with the majority of my other friends. Even though I was in a new, overwhelming place, my college friends and I experienced it together. I also made new friends at the magazines and clothing boutique where I worked. I didn’t feel the need to “put myself out there” at all; I had my people and never felt lonely. That’s how it worked for ten years. Then at the end of last year, I moved down south to Raleigh, North Carolina—a city where I didn’t have any friends whatsoever. My parents, older sister, and younger brother all lived in the area, but because they were in such vastly different life stages than me—single with no kids—I knew they weren’t going to be much help in the friends department. My move also required me to start working remotely, which meant that I now couldn’t rely on my job to give me a built-in place for friends.
What leads you to burnout, according to your Myers-Briggs personality type
April 15, 2019 at 03:00AM by CWC To each their own, they say—and it’s true. Different personalities enjoy and thrive in entirely different circumstances and environments. While ISFJs love routine and stability, ENTPs need room to explore the outskirts of each project and role they adopt. On the flip side, what depletes you is also thoroughly unique. Some can’t stand detail-oriented tasks, while others have no patience for teamwork or theory. If you’ve ever found yourself burnt out and can’t understand why (or don’t know how to turn things around), your Myers-Briggs personality type can help you understand. (Don’t know what your MBTI is? Read this first!) Get more insight into what depletes you—and tips for recovering from burnout—according to your Myers-Briggs personality type. Graphics: Well+Good Creative ISFJ You tend to burn out when dealing with high-conflict environments or when trying to please everyone. It’s hard for you to say no to events and obligations. You know you’re burnt out when: You find yourself stressing about what could or might happen (instead of what likely will), or dwelling on random negative events. To re-energize yourself: Surround yourself with people you know and trust who can provide the right perspective to your problems or help you break out of a funk. ESFJ ESFJs tend to burn out when they’re unable to schedule efficiently, make firm plans, or see their friends. When you don’t socialize, you tend to get bogged down in work. You know you’re burnt out when: You overthink seemingly
Meghan Markle breaking royal post-birth protocol is an act of JOMO worth applauding
April 12, 2019 at 06:38AM by CWC When history repeats itself three times, the event in question becomes fair game to be called a trend—and that principle explains why people of the world have grown so used to seeing a royal baby birth announcement via a photo call not long after the birth itself. But leave it to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry to break royal protocol; according to a statement from Kensington Palace, “Their Royal Highnesses have taken a personal decision to keep the plans around the arrival of their baby private.” Yeah, that’s right, Meghan and Harry aren’t displaying the baby Simba-style, à la Kate Middleton and Prince William mere hours after birth. And to that I say, good. Good. ICYMI, this royal tradition calls for the brand-new parents of a very-fresh baby to showcase their bundle of joy for a photo call, like, as soon as everyone’s toweled off and clean-ish. Princess Anne did it after the birth of her son Peter Phillips, while Princess Diana and Prince Charles formally posed on the Lindo Wing steps of St. Mary’s Hospital for the births of Prince William and Prince Harry. Most recently, Kate Middleton posed immediately after the births of Prince George, Princess Charlotte, and Prince Louis, which has stressed me out every single time. It’s not because the Duchess of Cambridge hasn’t looked incredible each go-around, because, duh, she absolutely has. Rather, she seems so absolutely exhausted on those steps. You know, like she just delivered a
Meet cloaking, ghosting’s way more intense cousin that’s almost never appropriate to use
April 11, 2019 at 03:00PM by CWC If it’s been too long since a dating trend made you low-key lose faith in humanity, allow me to fill you in on the meaning behind cloaking: Coined by Mashable reporter Rachel Thompson, it’s a steroid-pumped version of ghosting wherein one party cuts off even the potential for communication after a seemingly successful match has been made. Though the term is new, the story it tells is a tale as old as, well, at least 2016—based on my roommate’s Bumbleventures. Unlike the linger-focused trends of orbiting or breadcrumbing, cloaking is about severing all ties. Thompson details her experience of someone not only standing her up for a second date, but unmatching with her from Hinge and blocking her on WhatsApp. In effect, it can seem like someone believes they can wear an invisibility cloak, à la Harry Potter, and just slink into the ether with no evidence they were ever there in the first place. Rude, right? And yet, in the right hands, the cloak can be used for mostly good—in Potter’s case, to hide from whatever magical monster is haunting a given page. Indeed cloaking seems like a great way to hide from the worst kind of dating mismatch: an unsafe one. Even a bona fide etiquette expert agrees that in this case, it’s totally okay to invoke the clearly impolite dating trend. “When personal safety is a concern, I am a proponent of every measure available to protect yourself.” —Diane Gottsman, etiquette
The lazy girl guide to a perfectly messy bun
April 11, 2019 at 07:58AM by CWC No other hairstyle is more versatile than the messy bun. Whether you’re cleaning your apartment, picking up some groceries, heading off to work, sweating in a workout class, or sitting on the sofa watching Netflix, it just does the job right. A messy bun is the style that keeps on giving, too. Ponytails require constant maintenance throughout the day, but rogue strands just make a bun look cuter. The only problem? Figuring out how to do a messy bun without all the effort. If a messy bun is supposed to be effortless how come it takes me 38 tries to get it right? — Well+Good (@iamwellandgood) March 23, 2019 https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js Even though it doesn’t look like it to those who have yet to attempt a messy bun, it takes a whole lot of time and practice to get right. I, for one, have spent many far too much time in front of the mirror with sore arms trying to get that perfectly messy—but not too messy—look. But it shouldn’t take up your whole morning when you’re trying to get out the door, and it doesn’t have to take 38 tries to get it right. Here’s how to do a messy bun perfectly every time. 1. Short hair [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vf_3OYVmeyQ] Creating a messy bun with short hair that doesn’t want to stay in place can be tricky, but there’s a secret that can help: using second or third-day hair and dry shampoo. The added texture
If you’re a woman, here’s why your gut issues aren’t just in your head
April 10, 2019 at 06:30PM by CWC Pick a girlfriend in your inner circle and there’s a good chance you know exactly when she’s on her period—and what her accompanying symptoms look like. That’s because over the last decade, menstruation has gone from an off-limits topic to an integral part of your daily dialogue. For the wellness advocates at RenewLife®, makers of probiotic supplements formulated for women, it’s high time for us to similarly normalize the conversation about the gut issues that affect nearly 100 million women. (Feel free to collect your jaw off the floor after hearing that stunning number.) It’s time for us to normalize the conversation about the gut issues that affect nearly 100 million women. The reality is, on a daily basis, millions of women silently endure symptoms of gut imbalance including constipation, diarrhea, and discomfort after eating. “I would say the majority of the population has some degree of gut imbalance, due to a perfect storm of factors, such as excessive reliance on antibiotics, inflammatory foods in our diet, chronic stress, and the ubiquity of glyphosate (from the pesticide RoundUp) in our food and tap water,” says holistic psychiatrist Ellen Vora, MD. So what exactly does optimal gut health look like? According to Dr. Vora, it means you poop like clockwork every morning (TMI? Sorry not sorry), your stomach feels comfortable even after you eat, and you don’t have heartburn, hemorrhoids, bloating, gas, burping, loose stools, or tiny rabbit poops. Do any of those things
5 reasons to treat couples therapy like sunscreen and go before there’s a burn
April 10, 2019 at 03:00AM by CWC People pick up a lot of habits, use a lot of products, and do a ton of activities in the name of prevention and healthy upkeep. Take brushing your teeth, applying sunscreen, and exercising, to name a few. And while couples therapy is a bit stigmatized as a last resort for mending an ailing relationship, experts believe its long overdo for a rebrand as a preventative measure to use before things get messy. In this vein, clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD and author of Joy from Fear, says seeing a pro while things are great is just as important as going to see a doctor for a regular checkup. “Much like [how] we go to the doctor’s office for a preventative exam or to the mechanic for an oil change to protect the engine, psychotherapy can be used to keep a relationship free of toxic problems,” she says. “Psychotherapy can go a long way toward preventing problems by creating a safe, reassuring forum for addressing challenging life issues.” —clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD It also allows duos to be proactive about navigating the not-so-romantic parts of being in a relationship, like managing money and healing from childhood traumas. “Psychotherapy can go a long way toward preventing problems by creating a safe, reassuring forum for addressing challenging life issues. I’ve worked with many couples who waited far too long to address their issues; by the time they come to me, a great deal